While others are dealing with the Coronovirus or the racial riots, I am dealing with a more deadly epidemic - the epidemic of terrorism in the U.S. against women.  The right-wing Republicans and males and other evangelicals have partly made my otherwise serene and sensible and rational life into a hell, a hellish nightmarish existence where I have no freedom and there is an attack on my body and soul every day (for the last 4 years).   I am living a sub-standard human life in the U.S. where I am the victim of terrorism every day which is shocking and appalling to me.  I have the same Constitutional rights as everyone else - every other woman - but because I was brainwashed and indoctrinated from making my Life-saving decision at the time, I am now "supposedly" doomed to a prison sentence of misogyny, anti-feminism and ignorance and sexism.  This being who is supposedly my "Lord and Savior" is shortening my lifespan and decreasing my physical and mental health and increasing my anxiety for some sick goal or agenda or ideology I don't understand.  It is too sickening for me.  So I want the whole world to know that this being - this God - is condemning me to a "supposed" prison sentence (it feels so long and drawn-out already) for an innocent mistake when I was really vulnerable.  I trusted this being with all my heart and this being is killing me and "punishing" me in ways I cannot describe (because it is so horrible) because of whatever reason I cannot even grasp.  I just wanted the whole world to know this being is a violent fiend and a monster and all of this - the gospel, evangelicalism, Christianity - is about an agenda it seems.  This being is waging war - a silent, pernicious, deadly war - on a poor vulnerable girl in her 30s who is trying to figure herself out and I just wanted to send a caveat to the world..I just wanted to let the world know what I am going through so I am not going through it so "supposedly" alone.  There is no f*cking excuse for VIOLENCE or for misogyny or sexism!  NONE.  So why is this being, after all of these posts and my years of petition, still perpetuating all of these vices and structural injustices against me?  I am NOT a victim or a target but a sentient, breathing human being who needs to feel safety and wellness in order to survive every day even in these chaotic times.  I am writing and asking the Universe for one life-line to save me from this situation, this chaos, to escape this horrible prison sentence.  This being keeps weaponizing this situation and attempts to terrorize me or force me to "live" or be like a f*cking robot (which is a paradox - you can't LIVE as a robot) or whatever but this is NOT going to work - violence is a crime and there is absolutely NO EXCUSE for it whatsoever!