It is a hopeless cause - I cannot stand this evangelical diabolical being anymore..this being is a Goddamn waste of my time..I'm not going to write this as a person who is angry or caught up in her circumstances but as an observer who has experienced RTS (religious-trauma syndrome).  I didn't realize that this being has been manipulating me for quite some time - of course, because religion is a system or set of beliefs, it is a subjective topic.  But in my experience, it has turned out to be more of a crutch or something toxic than anything else.  This being or whatever higher power this is has gotten used to me "putting up" with the bad or just "putting up with things" in general so the last five years of my "religious experience" has been me putting up with or leaning of "God" more out of habit and either God not meeting my needs or abusing or attacking me over and over for no reason.  So I've reached this conclusion that God is not real or that he is not good - he doesn't care about my well-being or needs and is actually exacerbating my circumstances through extreme scenarios.  This being doesn't care if it is abusing me or if my needs aren't being met - it's about some deranged ideology or point that it is making at the end of the day and in this sense, this being reminds me a lot of the Republican party or all those right-wing conservative men who sit on the pulpit and preach at people...Imagine someone who keeps pushing you and making you feel bad about everything - what does this constitute?  It constitutes bullying at the end of the day and NOTHING ELSE!  This being is obsessed with a single issue and is too demanding..this being is NOT being realistic about my situation and is demanding that I sacrifice everything for this situation which is completely unrealistic and almost insane!  This being keeps terrifying and making me horrible and I'm not going to put up with this anymore!