this "being" has lost its goddamn mind.  This being is pushing the limits of what I feel comfortable with and even what I consider acceptable or within acceptable norms of human rights.

Just as conservatives frame liberal issues such as certain women's rights issues as immoral, it is just as immoral to force a conservative agenda onto a person and a woman's body and Life!

terrorism 5

this being is going crazy and launching some kind of a demonic attack on me.  I don't deserve to be terrorized!

This situation is below my integrity and conscience.  I'm NOT okay with this situation or what happened.  I WILL NOT accept violence of any kind and spiritual abuse and harm IS NOT OKAY!  NO TO VIOLENCE! (whether that's implicit or overt)  

Let me tell you a story.  There was a 30-something year old girl who was vulnerable and helpless and genuinely was leaning on a being or a higher entity to guide and rescue and help her.   Then there was chaos, darkness and confusion.   That girl depended on this being every day - through prayer, going to church, asking friends to remember her, reading the Bible, etc.  This girl depended on this being to provide for her as the "Bible" says.  Then  this being uses her, exploits her and dupes her through her thoughts (RTS) and emotions.   This being has brainwashed her, but unbeknownst to her, there is severe darkness, an entrapment, a horrible storm if you will.  This being, four years later, continues to condemn her, cast guilt in her mind and to abuse her through spiritual and religious abuse  This being continues to harm her, making it difficult for her to sleep and has trapped her in a prison sentence (knowingly and intentionally and deliberately), even though scientific evidence and data suggest that this situation and what this being has done and to other women lead to decreased physical and mental health, increased anxiety and exposure (longer) to harmful situations and toxic situations.  Yet this being continues to terrorize and harm her and hurt her and scare her and intimidate her.  So much so that she wishes she could file a permanent restraining order against this predator and perpetrator.  This being does not care about my well-being and treats this girl like some cult leader - someone who is in its way because she is inconvenient.  That girl is ME.  

that's it - I defy this being!  whatever this entity is, I defy this being 

honesty and choice

This being has done something that is seriously antithetical to my interests and safety and health.  This being is egregiously violating my rights and health every day.  And to compensate for thisbeing has been abusing me and making me feel unsafe unsafe.  I despise this being and this being's coercion towards me to accept norms I'm not comfortable with and cannot accept due my circumstances and the background of this situation.   This being is an aggressor and a perpetrator and a predator.   If this being continues to make me suffer intentionally and knowingly and cruelly like this, it would be inhumane and TERRORISM.   I warn women everywhere this jerk is not worth your time!  Actually, you should just avoid this being because this being treats women lowly and only pays lip service to women's rights, advocating for women's rights, etc.  This being expects women to put up with shit AND that is not f*king okay!

I realize it's not going to change.  This being has been duping, deceiving and demonizing me the last four years since 2014 for no reason and it's up to me NOW to break away from this spiritual abuse.  I'm closing that chapter in my life.  I am a woman and a human being and I have integrity and I need to HEAL from the last four years.  I kept putting up with the bad and the abuse in hopes that this being would change my circumstances or would change things in my favor but nothing has changed and I realized it's not going tochange.  I've only been indulging this being's whims or viciousness or maliciousness and I'M NOT going to put up with this anymore.  I CHOOSE TO not accept this horrible and abusive situation, I choose to make my own choices and NOT succumb to patriarchy, I choose to make my choices as a woman who is in shared experience with millions of other women out there who are suffering or have to experience suffering because of their gender.  I choose to not accept this being's abetting of patriarchy and misogyny towards me in my own life.  I choose to emerge from it and from this situation, I choose to LOVE myself, I choose to be beautiful, I choose to be strong and to HAVE A VOICE.

This being is weaponizing this situation to really try to hurt and harm me and I'm terrified.  It is a matter of evangelical Christianity at its worst and anti-feminization and just slavery.   I feel as if I'm in the middle of structural injustice forces that are trying to pull me down.   This being is monstrous and what this being has done is monstrous.  

This being abuses me or attacks me at least 100 times a day.  It is horrible - I feel scared as a woman and as a human being.  This being is treating me as if my life is not significant

I'm not sure what to do - this being keeps abusing me (spiritual abuse) and making me feel bad or trying to make me feel bad and I'm starting to feel preyed upon..

This being expects me to put up with abuse.  I don't and shouldn't be expected to put up with abuse or anything I'm uncomfortable with

This being doesn't love me as much as I thought..this being's "love" is not real as my genuine trust and dependence on it.  I have a conscience and my conscience is telling that this situation is immoral and criminal and risky for me as well as for countless other women.  This being wants me to be inauthentic and compliant and to submit to the status quo but I WILL NEVER DO THAT!  This being is violating not on my rights and choice but also my health and THIS is NOT okay.  For someone to take my health this lightly or even to not take into account at all or even to dismiss my women's health needs is CRIMINAL!  

I'm going to be as honest and blunt as I can.  I'm dealing with a predator who terrifies and intimidates me on a daily basis.   I know that what I'm going through is a part of something bigger and is the tip that points toa larger disturbing picture.   But it doesn't minimize what I'm going through and is scary precisely because of that fact.  I don't like being used a s a pawn or feeling like I'm a pawn for something and it feels like spiritual abuse.  I'm not sure how all of this happened, except to say that it feels like it all snuck up on me and something I trusted and felt I could lean on deceived me.  I made the horrible grave mistake of listening to this being and NOW feel entrapped.   I'm living this miserable cycle of having to indulge this being because I didn't listen to my in stinct and gut.  This being is flagrantly violating my human rights and it is impossible for me to LIVE like this. 

A generous heart is always open, always ready to receive our going and coming. In the midst of such love we need never fear abandonment. This is the most precious gift true love offers - the experience of knowing we always belong. --bell hooks

I watched the movie Them That Follows with Olivia Coleman..it's a movie about a Pentecostal community in the U.S. in the Appalachians who follow very strict, literal interpretation of the Bible and impose their flawed beliefs onto others, causing grave consequences.  This movie exposes not only the patriarchy that underlie the father and a young woman's husband-to-be treatment towards the main character but also the irrationality that has washed over the village members.  This movie shows that life is not black and white but there is so much gray and IT'S HOW WE respond to the gray and the complexities of life that determine our lives and who we are and our humanity.  

Terrorism 4 - addendum

I've decided to turn away from this religion or cult.  This being is wreaking havoc and I will NOT put up with it anymore.  This being keeps conjuring up images of harm being done to me (grotesque and demonic) and this is CRIMINAL.  I am not meant for evangelical Christianity the way things are in the U.S. right now and this religion or  mindgame or manipulation is scaring me.  The endless arousal of guilt and all the blaming and burden-casting is doing harm and it's NOT getting better.  I don't think I'm alone to experience these feelings and experiences and I feel as if I have RTS.   As a woman and as a human being, I believe this is spiritual abuse and something really perverse or sadistic has been deceiving and duping me.  I want liberty and freedom and safety and protection and freedom from harm. 

It is a mistake but this being treats it like a prison sentence or a death sentence.  This being has been feeding me lies and manipulation for so long and it's only recently that I started to realize this.  This being is imposing its agenda onto me and has been doing it - me as the unwitting victim.  This being is so oppressive and is jeopardizing my health and well-being.  This being is hazardous to me - I don't even know if this is "God" anymore - this could just be a vindictive spirit or something but it is scary.   My human rights are at stake - and when one of my rights are being attacked, all my rights are being attacked.  One person's suffering means everyone's suffering and I as a woman deserve better protection and treatment and SAFETY than this.  This being is taking advantage of my innocence, naivete and willingness to trust and penchant for putting up with bad situations to REALLY hurt me.  To really put my life at risk.  It is all punitive - this religion is really bad for me in terms of feeling positive and well about myself and I'm done.  But this being still viciously wants to use me as a pawn and EXPECTS ME TO BE  f*cking robot at the end of the day.  This is impossible because I am a human being and I'm not a robot!  I ABSOLUTELY will not put up with violence any longer!  This being wakes me up in the middle of the night and makes me feel really jarred and just unsettled - please get off my back!  This is persecution - making someone who is so vulnerable and without fault to be honest miserable, scared and terrified.  This is immoral and criminal - what this being is doing - and it feels like cruel and unusual punishment and death.  This is dictatorial and this has to END - a lot of women's organizations and their data support me on this (NOW, WHO) and this is severe unnecessary victimjzation and weaponization. 

https://www.univision.com/univision-news/politics/evangelical-leaders-supported-by-the-white-house-export-fundamentalist-agenda-to-latin-America

disturbing

Letter TO God

Dear God,

Thank you for abusing and tormenting me the last five years  Thank you for pretending to be a God and to be on my side when you were  behind the scenes to screw me over and you didn't have my back the last four years.  Thank you for weaponizing religion to terrorize and entrap and traumatize me and to instill fears of retribution, non-stop and constantly.  And when I tried to assert and raise my voice or do things I needed to do, thank you for shooting me down and casting doubt in my mind and making me feel chaos, chaos I've never felt in my entire life.  Thank you for making me feel like I'm around Donald Trump or some white Republican male when I'm around you and thank you for not meeting my needs when I was most vulnerable and helpless.  Thank you for your misogynistic treatment towards me and towards other women and for duping and deceiving me and millions of other women when I needed access to legitimate healthcare and needed information and needed HEALTH.  Thank you for your myths, your stereotypes, for your condemnation, for y our ability to arouse guilt for no reason, all the time.  Thank you for not meeting my needs or ignoring them altogether at times and thank you for n ot meeting me and for having me run around in circles and thank you for not providing for me.  Thank you for degrading me and for having me live below my dignity and integrity the last four years.  Thank you for coercing me to BE AROUND a creep and for jeopardizing my safety for your ideology.   I genuinely trusted you for guidance and leaned on you but I was met with betrayal, hatred and darkness.  But I HAVE forgiven myself and love myself and have shown grace towards myself. I choose to show kindness towards myself because I am a worthy woman of dignity and I deserve it!   I DESERVE KINDN.ESS

picture of me bleeding at the lips the last year since 2019 from the stress of my situation - I have repeatedly asked God to stop the pressure and the coercion and the stress but to no avail.  It's been futile

I'm dealing with a being who is mean or is consistently attacking or abusing me for reason.  This started 4 years ago in 2014 and I felt like I had to "put up with this" or face threats of retribution.   Even though there were times when I didn't feel safe or didn't want to stay in certain situations, I felt like I had to or God would be displeased or punish me.  This kind of punitive thinking has gotten me into trouble and into situations that were NOT in favor the last four years and THINGS ARE NOT GOING TO CONTINUE this way anymore.  I DON'T deserve to be bullied or harassed for no reason or degraded or have my voice be silent.  I feel as if I'm dealing with some perpetrator who is mean and inherently vicious and manipulative for no reason and I'm NOT going to put up with this!  As a woman, this situation is akin to violence against women or trafficking or slavery and THIS IS REALLY BAD.  This continuous violation of my civil and human rights is not going to be silenced and buried and swept under the rug.  I'm dealing with a being who thinks it's okay to isolate and abuse and torment or torture me and it is NOT okay.  I'm not a victim but a woman - a whole woman and I have rights.  

It is a hopeless cause - I cannot stand this evangelical diabolical being anymore..this being is a Goddamn waste of my time..I'm not going to write this as a person who is angry or caught up in her circumstances but as an observer who has experienced RTS (religious-trauma syndrome).  I didn't realize that this being has been manipulating me for quite some time - of course, because religion is a system or set of beliefs, it is a subjective topic.  But in my experience, it has turned out to be more of a crutch or something toxic than anything else.  This being or whatever higher power this is has gotten used to me "putting up" with the bad or just "putting up with things" in general so the last five years of my "religious experience" has been me putting up with or leaning of "God" more out of habit and either God not meeting my needs or abusing or attacking me over and over for no reason.  So I've reached this conclusion that God is not real or that he is not good - he doesn't care about my well-being or needs and is actually exacerbating my circumstances through extreme scenarios.  This being doesn't care if it is abusing me or if my needs aren't being met - it's about some deranged ideology or point that it is making at the end of the day and in this sense, this being reminds me a lot of the Republican party or all those right-wing conservative men who sit on the pulpit and preach at people...Imagine someone who keeps pushing you and making you feel bad about everything - what does this constitute?  It constitutes bullying at the end of the day and NOTHING ELSE!  This being is obsessed with a single issue and is too demanding..this being is NOT being realistic about my situation and is demanding that I sacrifice everything for this situation which is completely unrealistic and almost insane!  This being keeps terrifying and making me horrible and I'm not going to put up with this anymore!

Scared

I'm speaking on behalf of all women when I say this is a Life and death situation for me.  This being is treating it like some game but this is a matter of life and death and is gravely serious.  I'm really alarmed by this being's treatment towards  me - it is criminal and violent and scary...This being seems to delight or relish terrifying and horrifying me and I'm so revolted...My civil rights are being violated on a daily basis and it's a horrible feeling..I have all these bruises and scars from this being abusing me - I know what it's like to work with victims and survivors of gender-based violence and this is violence! I'm willing to resort to protests or whatever I have todo to expose this being and what it has done me to and to countless other women!  This being is treating me at a sub-par level, attacking all my rights.  This being is treating me as less than a human being as a result of this horrible situation and I'm not OKAY with this - I WILL NEVER BE OKAY WITH THIS!

Terrorism 4

This being is a giant abuser - a villain who thrives off of being misogynistic and crazy and just brutal towards me.  This being continues to abuse me...This being is hateful and cruel to me unnecessarily...I realized it is some kind of a dupe.  This BEING DOES NOT HAVE MY BEST INTEREST IN MIND and this being doesn't protect me.  This being is an aider and an abetter….I'm really uncomfortable with what this being is doing and it feels like a major violation of my boundary and safety.  My life is not better because this being is "guiding" or helping me..anything but.  This being is the worst thing to be dealing with during the Coronovirus and please save me someone from this lunatic.    I am going to shoot myself if I have to be alone with this being one day longer - this being is an illusion who is ruining my life and needs to go to hell!   

Terrorism 3

I fell out of bed last night in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep and I lost my balance.   I have a huge bruise but this being doesn't care and continues to abuse and torture  me.  This is a sign that whatever this situation is HAS TO stop!  I'm starting to feel cursed and what this being is doing to me is clearly Misogynistic and even unsafe and dangerous.  I feel that speaking from a woman's perspective that this situation is WRONG and is perilous.  I  am speaking on behalf of all women when I say believe me, this situation is so wretched and is clearly ill-hatched.  I don't think I can go on like this anymore and this situation feels so abusive.  This situation is akin to slavery and my pride and dignity refuse to cooperate anymore!  This being is obnoxious, absurd and illogical - nothing more than a berater and an abuser!    What this being is doing amounts to cruel and unusual punishment, torture and human and women's rights abuse.   What people say about this being is true - this BEING CANNOT BE REAL because it doesn't take mere omniscience for a "God" to be real - it takes that entity to be good to  be real, as Euripedes said.  I'm so done with this Sadistic abuser - it's OVER!

terrorism 2

this abuser continues to torment me..please save me from  this abuser.  There is no excuse for terrorism - NONE!

Terrorism

This being is a major jerk.  Nothing has changed since I've written.  The abuse continues.  It's clear that I WILL NOT get anywhere in my life with this being continually doing this in my life.  The time I wasted on this being and on this Psychotic abuser perpetrator's whims seems like such a Goddamn waste.   I tell this being to go to hell

This being is a jerk.  I don't know whether this is really God or an Evil spirit but it feels more like the latter.  This being does not care about my well-being and continues to severely terrorize me.  This being seems to think something so backwards and illogical is okay WHEN IT IS NOT F*CKING OKAY!