STOP RAPING ME - picture of me bleeding again at the lips...this being is an Evil spirit!

STOP RAPING ME!

CROSSROADS
by Louise Glück

My body, now that we will not be traveling together much longer
I begin to feel a new tenderness toward you, very raw and unfamiliar,
like what I remember of love when I was young —

love that was so often foolish in its objectives
but never in its choices, its intensities
Too much demanded in advance, too much that could not be promised —

My soul has been so fearful, so violent;
forgive its brutality.
As though it were that soul, my hand moves over you cautiously,

not wishing to give offense
but eager, finally, to achieve expression as substance:

it is not the earth I will miss,
it is you I will miss.

STOP RAPING ME!

This is me bleeding again..what a f*cking monster

STOP RAPING ME!

Feminist Manifesto

"Nothing can be used to diminish me " - Audre Lorde

"Our silence will not protect us" -Ibid.

When I graduated from undergrad, I was equipped with feminist theories from renowned feminists and allies such as Audre Lorde, Belle Hooks and Adrienne Rich.  Never was I prepared for the real world - the real world where women's rights issues and deeply entrenched structural injustices clash, targeting vulnerable women like myself because of our identities.

Because of my intersectional identity - as an Asian American, immigrant, Korean-American woman  (also a daughter and sister) - despite all my theoretical underpinnings, I was and became a vulnerable person in the real world to some people and in certain situations.

I learned that because of deeply entrenched structural injustices in the U.S. -  a nation supposedly based on principles of liberty and freedom - I had to fight harder and put up defenses despite my innate naivete because the world is full of ignorant people who will try to tear me down or take advantage of me or just exploit me because I am a woman.

Because of my gender, I suffer every day while my male counterparts don't and when I'm not complaining audibly or speaking out, my reluctant silence speaks volumes - my reluctant silence says EVERYTHING.

Despite my education and my innate strength and years of readings and theoretical preparation, I have to FIGHT to assert myself and to be true to myself and to just be who I am and come to the table AS I AM because of the structural injustices that threaten to undermine who I am and my innate and fundamental sense of integrity and dignity.  

Look at the women's rights issues and debates that are raging at the U.S. Supreme Court even as recently as this past month in 2020.  Look at the Amy Barrett hearings or the subsequent protests that have been engulfing the news due to the fact that women's critical right to access abortion and essential healthcare are not a sine qua non but something that is negotiable - a basic fundamental right that is being threatened and attacked every day.

My moral duty is NOT whether or not I can persuade or dissuade someone to share my views or adhere to a certain ideological perspective based on religion or my personal convictions.  My moral duty is to make this world - a world in the throes of transition and birth pains - a better and safer place for younger generations of women and girls.  My moral duty is to  do something and to struggle against and combat the innate structural injustices and to leave a legacy for the younger generation which it will be proud of - that it will consider myself and others allies and revolutionary social justice fighters and advocates for women's rights and progress in this chaotic and turbulent world

.

a picture of me bleeding at the lips again for the 5th time this week

You are a monstrous being!

That is enough!  This is blatantly terrorism and there is no other way to put it!  

Save me!

This is my safety at stake.  I'm not going to let whatever this being is jeopardize my safety and well-being.  There is something gravely wrong with this situation.  I'm letting this situation go..it's too detrimental and dangerous and risky.  I know when something is NOT good for me or is not safe - THIS IS PRECISELY one of those situations!  (no woman should find herself in this kind of situation ever!)  This being is making a horrible, unsafe situation MORE DIFFICULT and more impossible than it has to be!  it's like having (undeserved) shackles around my ankles or something horrific like that and I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG TO DESERVE THIS!  I don't want to be linked to some f*cing penurious jerk in this horrible nightmarish way..NO BODY in their sane mind does...I want to sever all my ties and I need to salvage my bodily rights and reclaim the last 4 years that went down the drain because of that f*cking asshole!  This being is preying on me and I'm not going to put up with you you fucking SATAN! 

SAVE ME FROM THIS LUNATIC!

I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR SLAVERY!

Insidious and hidden form of gender-based violence!

Stop your gender-based violence - it is frightening!  I can assure you no woman in the world and on earth  wants to live like this and wants this kind of prison sentence and war upon her body!  This being keeps weaponizing this situation - do you know why?  Because this is an IMPOSSIBLE situation and no one can do it!  You shouldn't have to resort to violence because if you do, you are just proving that you are a bully and a tyrant and a dictator! 

It's evident that you're a Satanic being who is bent on controlling, manipulating and bullying me and THAT IS IT!  You'll pay for this...I will NOT be an object or victim of your violent, insane and lunacy ways!  When it comes down to it, every person WILL choose their own reproductive justice no matter how much you coerce the matter...in reality, what you're doing AMOUNTS TO TERRORISM  and nothing else!  I cannot do anything without safety - that is an essential given...I cannot continue in this horrible nightmarish space anymore...You try being in my shoes and being subject to whatever hell you're subjecting me to...you can't and won't even do it so why the hell are you forcing me?!

This situation is glaringly unsafe and dangerous.  Nobody I know would want to partake in this situation - NO ONE!  (not even President Trump, right-wing Republican males, etc)

STOP RAPING ME YOU F*CKING LUNATIC AND MOTHERF*CKER!  You are a dangerous being!  I hate being with you you hateful being!  I know you're a Satanic being and attacks me when I'm alone...I hate you and I hope you burn in hell! 

human rights abuse - stop waging a war against my body!

picture of me bleeding at the lips again..for the third time :(  This is immense hypocrisy...

"The air is as delicious to the lungs as nectar to the tongue."  John Muir 

I had an epiphany yesterday - this situation is inherently unsafe for me.  I'm getting out - no part of me can justify this situation (no scientific basis, nothing).  It's like President Trump flouting science and saying all these theories that are unfounded and dangerous!   This being is using this situation as a method or tool to "torture" me.   This being is a Rapist and is having me do things against my will and is assaulting my rights every day and THIS IS NOT OKAY. I'm not going to go along with this lunacy, dangerous scheme and slavery!   IT IS NOT OKAY - This is gender-based violence and CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY!

My life is in danger.  This being is knowingly putting my life at risk.  This being doesn't care a shit about my life.

I'm dealing with a Satanic being who is obsessed and is just a lunatic!  This being is a violent PSYCHOPATH!  I'm contending with a monster...this is NOT normal...This being is asking me to do something that feels equivalent to not breathing and I'm really scared - obviously, this is impossible situation.  I NEED TO regain my life - this is an emergency...I'm writing this as a human rights petition - it is scary that this being is trying to put me into some kind of undeserved prison sentence and has put me into some kind of a mental prison (torture) and is torturing me if I don't "comply."  This being pretends to be a "God" but it's only outwardly..it's so insidious...my health is decreasing and THIS NEEDS to stop...I feel like I'm going to pass out and faint...UN bodies condemn this...my lips were bleeding again yesterday and I just wanted people to know..

I CANNOT CONTINUE LIKE THIS ANYMORE - I'm really scared for my health...I'm with a prison guard all day long..someone make this lunatic Stop!  Listen jerk, I'm only a fragile human being and a woman..WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!

Help.me.to.escape.this.prison.sentence

Human beings aren't meant to be coerced or forced or pressured, especially if it's over a long period of time.  Even philosophers have commented that those are "enslaved" will rise up against their oppressors (Socrates).  This being thinks violence is okay but it is damn wrong.  Stop forcing me you mother*cker!  I will rise up against this slavery and I WILL NOT LET YOU DO THIS TO ME or to  my body especially when I need to care and love myself the most right now and exercise self-care...I don't want to be with this prison guard anymore...I have to nurture myself or it's NOT going to work out anymore...

This being is an evangelical Nazi, a reproductive Nazi if you will.  I absolutely abhor this situation and this being is hypocritically having me go through a situation NO WOMAN IN HER RIGHT MIND WOULD BE WILLING THROUGH or this being won't even go through I bet!

Imagine a person who is deathly afraid of spiders (someone who has Arachnophobia).  Imagine someone deliberately trying to scare that person with spiders or always putting a spider in that person's way or invoking images of spiders.  How cruel and Evil would that be?!  This is how I feel - this being is deliberately putting me in a situation where I would feel anxious and this is making me miserable and affecting the quality of my life.    If I don't "comply," then this being threatens with a threat of retribution - invoking violent images that make me recoil.  Can you imagine a being doing this to another woman who is victimized by misogyny and gross coercion and is afraid that her human rights are being violated seriously?  I seriously don't know what to do...This being keeps degrading and demeaning me through these assaults and I'm not sure how to move forward from this situation..This being has unleashed a campaign of terror and it is frightening...I stand with millions if not billions of other women who would protest a situation like this and would revolt and just bail..I deserve to live, not be in this undeserved absurd prison sentence...

Roe v. Wade - I never understood its importance until now..You are my tormentor and abuser God...

serious alarm

I am done.  I need to explicitly state that this situation is REALLY DANGEROUS and is just insane.

Imagine a really scary version of God - with its violent side and the side where it threatens to strike people with threats of retribution--times infinity.  Imagine an evangelical being who is SO hell-bent on depriving me of my constitutional right to exercise choice and freedom and bodily autonomy and the right to due process lurking behind my door.  THAT IS HOW I FEEL.

Imagine all those right-wing people who are bent on overturning Roe v. Wade and all those anti-choice protesters who target abortion clinics and inflict terrorism on people whose views or practices don't align with their views - that is HOW I feel - I feel as if I'm encountering these people at every turn these days and it is such a TERRIBLE, HORRIFYING, vulnerable feeling.

No force in heaven and hell can deprive me of MY RIGHT and rights as a woman and as a human being.  No one can deprive me of my constitutional right to choose what I do with my life and body!

I'm dealing with a horrible being.  Imagine a crazy being who has somehow pulled the rug from under my eyes and is pretending to "guide me"while knowingly putting my life and health at risk.   This being is deliberately 

- deliberately having me stick around a bad guy

- deceiving and appropriating my body so that it can "control" and manipulate me

you don't bring me life - you bring death, misogyny, betrayal and an undeserved prison sentence that is so disgusting that I CANNOT EVEN PUT WORDS TO IT!

this situation is fetid, putrid and odious and just heinous - I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THESE WORDS UNTIL I MET YOU and that bad guy! you ARE A LUNATIC and I'm filled with hatred for you! 

I just wanted the world to know what this being is doing...YOU ARE A FAKE, A RAPIST AND A MONSTER.  GET AWAY FROM ME!

I need to set some ground rules:

- My boundaries for what is safe and comfortable and secure have been crossed a million times and I don't WANT TO CONTINUE ANYMORE.

- THERE IS NO GOD

- I will not indulge or give credence to this being anymore

- I will not go NEAR OR think about or even breathe regarding this situation until I KNOW IT IS SAFE

- I will get my way

- I WILL NOT "PUT UP WITH" or tolerate any form of VIOLENCE - physical, emotional or spiritual

- I will critically analyze the situations I'm in to see if I'm safe and comfortable 

- I will LISTEN TO my still small voice and my instinct, gut and intuition when making decisions

STOP.RAPING.ME

You are an Evil spirit and you've been demonizing and keeping me isolated and in imprisonment too long!  You have noregard for my health and human rights and well-being and you're a Callous asshole!

Stop Gender-based violence! Stop assaulting me!

This shit is going to stop.  This is gender-based violence - all of it, no matter how you look at it!  I am so shocked, appalled, disgusted and just feel gross...I definitely feel like something is waging a war on my body and it is NOT okay!  This being is making me take or subscribe to an off-the-label method and it is suspect (it has bad side-effects) and I am worried about my health as I have said ad nauseam.  My reproduction is NOT for you to control!  You are an Evil perpetrator villain and I get it!  But you don't need to keep hurting or intentionally harming me and other vulnerable young women and keep your lowly tactic of coercion and pressure.   STOP WEAPONIZING this situation and stop ASSAULTING ME!   I am hurting and I will NOT back down until YOU STOP and unveil your lowly misogynistic ways and STOP WAGING THIS WAR AGAINST MY BODY!   This situation is no different than foot-binding in early 20th century China or the one-child policy imposed by the CCP!  STOP Raping me you Evil perpetrator, Satan, villain and abuser!

You are a monster!

please help me to return to myself BECAUSE I really miss her. 

I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We've been taught that silence would save us, but it won't. - Audre Lorde

Only by learning to live in harmony with your contradictions can you keep it all afloat - Audre Lorde

please help

I know I'm being spiritually, emotionally and mentally abused...I'm really scared and petrified.  Someone please help - it's very difficult to live day and night like this and I am human being that needs nurturing and love and care and healing and closure, not this demonic shit.  I CANNOT GO ON LIKE THIS ANYMORE!

plea to restore myhuman rights

I would rather this whole world (this beloved world) end then things be like this.  This being is a predator and a terrorist who is clearly NOT in my best interest and is trying to harm me.  What this being is doing is unethical - it is COERCION, RAPE and sabotage.  I will NOT put up with anything that tries to harm me, obviously.  I CANNOT believe I got sucked into this cult and allowed this to happen from under my eyes...I am sending out a last petition to the Universe because I have reached my human limit - a woman and a person knows when a situation is NOT good for her( and this is a gross understatement).  What this being is doing feels like someone trying to poison me --> forcing me to take poison over and over and I know THIS IS LETHAL FOR ME.  I am not an automaton!  I'm in an unimaginably difficult situation and I don't think I can even go on like this - I don't think I can live a normal life in this situation.... This being is absurd and is coercing me to do something that goes against UN Conventions and norms and therefore my conscience.  I believe a demonic spirit is trying to harm me and I need to get out of this situation ASAP.  Whoever is reading this - please pray for me- this is an urgent Life and death situation for me and I cannot continue like this... I don't get anxious easily and I don't really worry about anything - this whole horrible situation is really CONTRARY and antithetical to the entire trajectory of my Life (sacred) and I cannot absolutely go on like this or even breathe like this anymore..THIS IS NOT HUMAN - this is some undeserved prison sentence (freakish) I absolutely abhor and I'm pleading with the Universe or whoever is up there to make it STOP NOW.  I think that if this situation were to continue, I'm afraid that I'm going to have a heart attack or just collapse...this f*cking religion is too punitive for me and I CANNOT do this anymore - it's against my humanity!

Image of me scared and running for MY LIFE!  Image of me wishing I had bailed...