This is sheer slavery and Rape.  I'm so unhappy..,

I want the whole world to know what a demon this being is...I want the whole world to know this being is a Goddamn rapist!  It is a bloodthirsty demon who harasses and torments me also and won't let me sleep..what a f*cking self-centered douchebag!  I was bleeding at the lips again...my lips just spurted out blood and this is DEFINITELY NOT Goddamn normal..I hate this being from the bottom of my heart - this being is a liar and hypocrite and it is so heinous and odious.  Who the hell does it think it is?!

(I literally started spurting blood from my lips, which has never happened before!) This is NOT normal..

This being is lunacy.  My life has been nothing but a tortuous road the last 7 years and it doesn't make sense anymore.  I CAN'T MAKE SENSE OF MY LIFE and what this being has done, which is a really scary feeling.  I feel like a hamster in a wheel, futilely just rotating the wheel all goddamn day long. It is sickening...It is over.  Ugh, gross

This being is driving me crazy..it's not meeting my needs and my relationship with this being feels like a seesaw or a pendulum where it goes from "God providing a little or just enough" to meet my needs to "megoing through really difficult times of NOT having the structures and stability I need to survive."  It feels really abusive and horrible...I'm going to take a break from this religion for a while...

This being is going nuts because I'm not complying with slavery, rape and extortion! This is lunacy! Mar my words - I will NOT worship a jerk or a being that wants to harm me or confuse or exploit me!

This being is making me take Propanolol, which is a memory-forgetting pill...it's so unethical :( I'm so unhappy and I have serious qualms about this situation...IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO GO ON LIKE THIS ANYMORE!  Something has to change!  

Things that are toxic about this religion:

- promotion of slavery

- cultish thinking

- God is selfish

- it's all about an agenda

- it's NOT about me or my free will - my volition is NOT included in this sick agenda

- the "have-to" mentality

- ignoring my health needs

- EXTREME

This being is really hurting me - it is obsessive and relentless and is causing agony I've never felt before...please someone save me.  It's me or this situation and IT'S NOT GOING TO BE GODDAMN the latter because THIS IS MY PRECIOUS LIFE HERE ON EARTH!  MY ONE AND ONLY LIFE.  

This being is an Evil spirit...this being is NOT meeting my physical and material needs and is playing some sick game.  This is MY LIFE AND MY HEALTH I'm talking about!  

This being is not benign - I'm really worried about my health

I'm so unhappy - I've never been so unhappy in my entire Life.  This being treats me like a one-dimensional being and is playing some sick games..this being IS NOT MEETING MY NEEDS (physical and material) and is not providing for me despite all the advertisement in this religion...I cannot trust this being anymore because whatever sick or macabre circumstance is happening is happening at the expense of my health and well-being and NOTHING IS WORTH THIS!  This being won't even let my mom's Condomium sell even though it's been on the market for the last two years and I have been praying for this..This being is having me be in a situation where I'm running on an empty tank ALL THE TIME (the last 4 years) and it feels so horrible and awful..I am deeply disturbed by this situation and what this being is doing and I CAN'T believe this has happened..please someone - help stop this vicious cycle of abuse towards me...this being keeps making me balance my critical needs (housing, day-to-day needs, etc with other needs) and it's a horrible juggling act.  This being is treating me like some prisoner and I am so tired and exhausted of not "being filled enough" or "receiving enough" to even function or GO ON like a healthy human being..this is so demonic and I'm so scared of this cult leader.  This being is depriving me of stable housing, day-to-day resources and has somehow convinced me these last 4 years that it is okay to go on a 1000 calorie/day diet where my basic, essential food groups aren't even met!  I need stability and structure to function like a normal, stable human being and it is SIMPLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GO ON LIKE THIS!  This is called ABUSE!  This is a sign of a cult  - "grooming" someone, usually a vulnerable young woman, for the purpose of some cultish, deluded narcissistic leader.  

I'm worried about my health

I feel hatred through this being's laws This being is the worst and makes me want to puke! Fuck morality...morality my ass! This being is a hypocrite and is such a nasty vindictive piece of shit! I cannot believe someone or a being who wants to harm me or doesn't meet my material needs...This being is a Goddamn nonsense and is not true or real or good!  I've said repeatedly the last four years that this situation is bad for my health, especially for my heart and stomach.  Every morning, I wake up with a dull ache in my stomach - I think my body is trying to tell me something.  I cannot deal with a punitive Psychopath day in and out.  The perpetrator douchebag this being is using to bring about all of these negative circumstances is NOTHING BUT TROUBLE and is truly horrible..yet this being insists on harassing me through this individual like some toxic being or maniac...this being is NOT love and I've decided to pursue other means that will bring health, love and Grace and kindness and forgiveness towards myself.  There needs to be stability and structure and norms and normalcy, not this lunacy and punitive bullshit.  This situation is on that bad douchebag and this being's shoulders, NOT MINE!  WHY don't you both take responsibility you fucking parasitic perverts!  This is a demonic being...

I bled at the lips again last Friday...this is CLEARLY INHUMANE and human rights abuse!

revolting

This is what waging a war against a woman's body looks like - I've been bleeding at the lips twice a week or so this past 1.5 year (since January 2019) and I thought everyone should know what an abusive piece of shit this "God" is...such a major jerk

This past weekend, I thought about self-care and gentleness...this is such an important practice, I've realized..this being and religion grate me all day long and I really feel that this being has used and "groomed" me like some cult leader, but when I think about self-care and gentleness as a form of social justice, I immediately feel more empowered and flowing with grace towards myself - I badly need some form of love and warmth and care...I took a yoga class and my yoga teacher said that we shouldlisten to our stomachs, because that is the second brain..  I realize how tense and anxious and pent-up I feel in my gut as a result of all the bullshit the last four years and how I don't listen to my stomach or body oftentimes because I'm in "reaction" mode..I'm so glad I'm fortunate enough to take some time feed my body and soul and to learn to love myself better...

I'm really scared - this being is making me take something which causes adverse side-effects and it's so shady and I don't feel right about it...this situation is still going on..it's been four years and I've had enough - it is DONE.  As a human being, I CANNOT rationally go on like this or I'll go crazy...this being seems to play this game where when I feel stable or more myself, it turns my situation upside down.  This happened last Wednesday - my crazy roommate "turned off" the utilities without any adequate notice (to try to get me to leave sooner I think), so I was without electricity and heating for over 24 hours in this crazy cold weather that is characteristic of Chicago...I'm still cold and a bit shocked from that horrible  nightmare (my body is in shock I think) - I've been in blackouts before but I've always been around people and they were for a short period...(usuallythree or four hours at the most).  This was the most horrible experience I've ever had..the temperature dropped down to 58 degrees F the next day which is ILLEGAL and I had to stay at a friend's friend's place.  This experience was akin to what I felt likewas pure horror (I hate being cold as a woman and I got candles and layered up like crazy to keep warm) but I think my body still remembers being cold..it is the worst experience EVER!  I think I'm going to take legal action against this crazy roommate and the landlord for sure...I told them that the temperature was down to 58 degrees and that there was no electricity or heating but THEY DID NOT CARE!  I'm sure that is illegal :(  crazy...

I'm dealing with an Evil spirit, a being who is so maniacal and bullying that I'm so turned off...ugh.  This being is bipolar and doesn't make me feel good about myself nor is it logical..it is really trying to sabotage my Life and everytime I take a step forward in self-care or self-love, it tries to set me back or derail this...I hate this being!  This being is so unhealthy for me and it's a vicious cycle of abnormalcy and violence when I'm with this being and it makes me shudder...this being sucks the life out of me...