Monday, March 22, 2021
Thursday, February 4, 2021
UGH! a family from hell
Wednesday, January 27, 2021
The nightmare of the last 4 years
The monster that is Samuel Moon
After President Trump was elected as the 45th President, the woman's March started on Jan. 21, 2017 in Washington D.C. and proliferated across the U.S. and around the world to convey the message that "women's rights are human rights." As if to foreshadow the need for the March and the subsequently ensuing #MeToo movement, a year before Donald Trump declared his candidacy in 2016, I met the worst guy of my Life.
My mom had met him through her "church" and so I trusted him. But little did I know he was a toxic guy who had severe boundary issues and was horrible in so many ways. He said he was a "Christian" and the naive part of me believed this. This was the worst mistake of my Life.
Because of this toxic guy, I wasted the last five years being in this state where I subjected myself to a treatment I did not deserve and to being traumatized. Had I not known that he went to "church," I would NOT have trusted him - the human instinct in me would not even given him the time of the day. But because he used his religion as a guise and because of his hypocrisy, I ended up being in a quagmire that I wish I had the prescience to not get into in the first place -- hell, to even avoid it like the plague. This guy was delusional and had woven an existence of delusion out of his beliefs and it seemed like "God" was going aiding and abetting this bad guy's delusions. He was a high-school drop-out, the ultimate worst! (He had dropped out of a vocational high school in Korea to be exact). Ugh!
I remember when I met this horrible human being that I felt "God" was pressuring me to give him the benefit of the doubt or to even engage with him when I (the woman) in me didn't want to. But a woman's instincts are always right and this was a bad guy. But this being who is supposed to protect me and guide me has been coercing me to put up with sexism and misogyny the last 4 years - the Banality of Evil that is Misogyny (see my previous essay) - and I'm done. If I have to spend even a mere second more in this situation, then I want to be compensated a million dollars because I'm worth that!
What kind of a message is this religion sending me and to other women in this era of the #MeToo movement by having me "be stuck' in a situation of coercion and blatant women's rights violation and thereby a human right violation? This being and Christianity are all rhetoric when it comes to feminism and upholding women's rights and the former especially seems to be an opportunist when it comes to how it treats women -- this being doesn't care about women, I've come to realize, because we are inherently worthy or sacred; apparently in this religion, a woman's worth seems to be a lot about her reproductive value and the "help" that she can bring a man. How warped and crazy is this?!
I'm done living in this shadow of Evil misogyny and patriarchy. Because I am a sacred vessel, not someone merely to be appropriated for the sake of religion or an agenda or politics, I voluntarily walk away...I walk away from this horrible macabre quagmire as a full human being and as a woman, exercising my volitional will to say NO! It is not okay for any institution to stoke sexism and misogyny for any goal and to exploit a woman and her body for whatever reason. It is not okay to exploit, period!
What this being is doing is going against UN Conventions and human rights norms in the world order and this is duplicitous, dangerous and inconsistent with women's rights and women's health, especially given that the first female Vice President in the U.S. was sworn in yesterday and in the next fifty years, more female leaders will rise up to break glass ceilings and assume leadership positions in the U.S. and everywhere, going beyond traditional "women's roles". It is a fact (existing sociological data strongly supports this) that societies that invest in and empower women, whether it be through education, job training, literacy, etc., fare better in the long-term than societies that relegate women's status. In the case of this religion, it seems to be stuck more in the latter, bound by centuries of antiquated notions of feminism and traditionalism. Consigning women to such traditional roles will be a huge step back and regression for the women's rights movement and to more modernized gender roles that are appropriate and fitting for the 21st century. So, empowered by other feminist allies, I release myself from this prison and break out of "what a woman's roles should be."
Sunday, January 17, 2021
Thursday, December 17, 2020
The awful truth
I learned from a Stanford talk that when a person has PTSD, that person cannot see the forest or the larger picture - that person can only see the tree in front of them.
This being has brainwashed, deceived and lied to me to get me to be in and prolong a situation that is a Crime against woman and is officially an unsafe, dangerous situation. This has been going on for the last 4 years (since 2014).
This situation should have ended in May 2014 as the person who is the perpetrator in this situation is a stranger, someone who has defrauded and committed gender-based violence against me and I don't even know this person except for what he is telling me, which could be all lies.
In this dubious and sketchy situation, I turned to "God" because I thought he would help me, but he betrayed me, stabbed me in the back, has NOT had my back and has condoned this perpetrator/bad guy and has prolonged and abetted the gender-based violence, crime against women, exploitation, rape, trafficking,
fraud, misogyny, and trauma.
If I don't cooperate, this being has been threatening me with threats of t retribution and has been continuing this bizarre, insane, unsafe, delusional, inhumane situation over and over, despite my continued requests and pleadings to STOP.
This being is a misogynist in disguise, a sociopath and a narcissist. Only a narcissist and a megalomaniac acts in this way, pretending over and over NOT to hear the victim, yet lying consistently that this being is a Savior and someone who saves and helps.
This being is a monster, based on my experience as a young girl, woman and human being.
It is time that this ridiculous, insane and public health/women's health violation situation STOPS.
If you have any questions or want more details about this horrible situation that NO WOMAN or HUMAN BEING SHOULD GO THROUGH, contact iriss7480@yahoo.com (what this being and Christian evangelicals are promoting in this situation directly contradict the advice, behest and facts from the WHO, NOW - National Organization for Women, UN, UN Convention for Human Rights)
This being has consistently pinned the blame on me for the perpetrator's and "God"s transgressions and has repeatedly sent the message that "I'm the one to blame" even though facts suggest that I am inherently vulnerable based on the fact that I am an woman.
Wednesday, December 16, 2020
Deathly scared
Has aided and deliberately put a woman in a dangerous, unsafe situation
Has aided and abetted gender-based violence
Has deliberately deprived a woman of human rights and women's rights (four years)
Continues to threaten woman
Agenda-driven
Perpetuates Evil through unnecessary misogyny
Retaliates with violence when I don't "cooperate" with said Evil
Treats me like a prisoner
Feel like I'm dealing with an abusive guardian
Sunday, December 13, 2020
Saturday, December 12, 2020
I don't want to engage with this rapist anymore!
- has me entrapped in vicious cycle of abuse
- has aided and abetted misogyny and gender-based violence
- has me move around like a nomad as a "tool" to control and manipulate me
- justifies bad people and bad relationships
- has me living in a lie, a sham
- has me live in less than ideal, safe conditions
- does not make me a better person
- manipulates and controls me
- puts all issues and blames on me
- constantly makes me feel bad about myself
- condemns and criticizes me
- doesn't provide; expects me to pull stuff out of my ass
Thursday, December 10, 2020
Wednesday, December 9, 2020
Monday, December 7, 2020
God = Criminal, someone who wages a war against my body, rapist, Perpetrator, a monster with a mind and agenda of its own, top-down
Friday, December 4, 2020
I value spirituality. I value people trying to seek out a faith or deity or religion out of a genuine intention. That was the place I was in 2002, when I graduated from Stanford University and felt that I needed to pursue a genuine relationship with God--something that I had felt since my childhood, but got too busy or caught up in schools, my academic endeavors or even extracurricular activities. But I was a 22 year old, fresh out of college and wide-eyed about everything and the world.
The first 10 years of my faith journey has brought so much blessing - I have to admit. I met wonderful friends, formed a strong community in the Bay Area and delved into the doctrines of Christianity, especially in regards to Protestantism which has been my faith background all of my life since childhood.
But I also saw and witnessed some of the darker sides -- the need and pressure to proselytize, the convoluted and nebulous ideas about heaven and hell (the afterlife), the relegation and exclusion of other faiths, the stigmatization of the LGBT community and even shunning of gay marriages, and the fierce and often vitriolic debates surrounding crucial women's rights issues such as our right to access abortions or important healthcare services or condoning even gender-based violence or discrimination.
I'm not criticizing Christianity or the church as an outsider looking in, but more as an insider who spent years going to services and engaging in religious practices. But I realized at some point -- probably around the 10-year mark--that my faith became less about "God" or finding a relationship with him, but more about my worries with outward displays of religious practices or the pressure to conform to certain beliefs and ideologies that are extremely repressive towards women.
I heard stories about church leaders -- well-known ones -- who were exposed because of moral failures. I read a NYT article about the rise of child marriages in the U.S. and how the statistics are higher in the Pentacostal community. I listened to accounts after accounts of church leaders -- pastors and elders -- who were guilty of perpetrating violence against their spouses or women or even inflict sexual harassment and the church condoning such behaviors at times. I read headlines about my own pastor and the allegations of sexual harassment and misconduct surrounding him here in the Chicago area. I read disheartening articles after articles about fake "crisis pregnancy centers" (CPCs) in the U.S. that were established to lure vulnerble young women away from getting abortions or accessing the appropriate healthcare services, especially in minority communities. To my dismay, I found out belatedly that I had even volunteered in one in the Bay Area -- one against which the city of San Francisco has passed an ordinance to prevent the false advertising of its services.
As a feminist, as much as I try, I cannot help writing about these critical, life and death issues especially as they pertain to women. While I recognize the traditions of the Christian faith given its 2000-year old history, sometimes this religion seems cloaked in antiquated notions of feminism or regressive ideas regarding women's health issues.
I believe that the church or Christians need to rise up and recognize that women's status are not to be relegated or that there may be no circumstances, where women "should be expected to put up with" discriminatory ideas or practices or manipulative platforms that pressure women to make certain choices or wage a war against their bodies. Often, the proponents of these dangerous ideas tend to be men who don't know what it's like to be in women's shoes or to be victimized based on our gender or relegated or be overlooked in terms of wages or be stereotyped for no reason or held to a double standard based (being expected to perform certain duties, which constitutes as silent labor) or know what it's like to give birth. Women are bleeding on the ground and it's time that the men SEE and recognize this and give credit where credit is due or even acknowledge or compensate women accordingly. As a Stanford classmate put it in her poem "trench lyrics," society is waging a war against women and their bodies in so many ways - subtle and directly -- and we are in warfare, in the front lines, receiving all the attacks so to speak (look at the staggering rates regarding eating disorders in the U.S. among women, the prevalence of Post-partum depression, the pressure to conform to certain outward images or to even be expected to put up with or be subjected to the male gaze). It is a brutal world out there, if I may be frank, for women and can the men even recognize this? The #Metoo movement is a step forward, but there needs to be change from the inside -- a paradigm shift.
It is time for men and women in the Christianity community to realize that the dangerous notions I mentioned above are similar to waging a war against a woman's body -- and she is already going through so much as a result of the societal and structural injustices that threaten women's rights and lives everyday in the U.S. An honest conversation about feminist issues, in particular, in the church and even about other marginalized groups is a good starting point. It is through honesty and soul-searching and transparency that the abuses and repressive practices in the church can come to an end, paving way for freedom and truth and equality.
Wednesday, December 2, 2020
SOS
Monday, November 23, 2020
Saturday, November 21, 2020
