What I really think about religion
I have been trying to pursue an earnest relationship with God as much as possible these last 17 years. I even went on a missions trip to China in 2004. But these last 7 years or so, I haven't been able to shake off the feeling that something is amiss. Let me share a little bit of what I've been wrestling with.
I value spirituality. I value people trying to seek out a faith or deity or religion out of a genuine intention. That was the place I was in 2002, when I graduated from Stanford University and felt that I needed to pursue a genuine relationship with God--something that I had felt since my childhood, but got too busy or caught up in schools, my academic endeavors or even extracurricular activities. But I was a 22 year old, fresh out of college and wide-eyed about everything and the world.
The first 10 years of my faith journey has brought so much blessing - I have to admit. I met wonderful friends, formed a strong community in the Bay Area and delved into the doctrines of Christianity, especially in regards to Protestantism which has been my faith background all of my life since childhood.
But I also saw and witnessed some of the darker sides -- the need and pressure to proselytize, the convoluted and nebulous ideas about heaven and hell (the afterlife), the relegation and exclusion of other faiths, the stigmatization of the LGBT community and even shunning of gay marriages, and the fierce and often vitriolic debates surrounding crucial women's rights issues such as our right to access abortions or important healthcare services or condoning even gender-based violence or discrimination.
I'm not criticizing Christianity or the church as an outsider looking in, but more as an insider who spent years going to services and engaging in religious practices. But I realized at some point -- probably around the 10-year mark--that my faith became less about "God" or finding a relationship with him, but more about my worries with outward displays of religious practices or the pressure to conform to certain beliefs and ideologies that are extremely repressive towards women.
I heard stories about church leaders -- well-known ones -- who were exposed because of moral failures. I read a NYT article about the rise of child marriages in the U.S. and how the statistics are higher in the Pentacostal community. I listened to accounts after accounts of church leaders -- pastors and elders -- who were guilty of perpetrating violence against their spouses or women or even inflict sexual harassment and the church condoning such behaviors at times. I read headlines about my own pastor and the allegations of sexual harassment and misconduct surrounding him here in the Chicago area. I read disheartening articles after articles about fake "crisis pregnancy centers" (CPCs) in the U.S. that were established to lure vulnerble young women away from getting abortions or accessing the appropriate healthcare services, especially in minority communities. To my dismay, I found out belatedly that I had even volunteered in one in the Bay Area -- one against which the city of San Francisco has passed an ordinance to prevent the false advertising of its services.
As a feminist, as much as I try, I cannot help writing about these critical, life and death issues especially as they pertain to women. While I recognize the traditions of the Christian faith given its 2000-year old history, sometimes this religion seems cloaked in antiquated notions of feminism or regressive ideas regarding women's health issues.
I believe that the church or Christians need to rise up and recognize that women's status are not to be relegated or that there may be no circumstances, where women "should be expected to put up with" discriminatory ideas or practices or manipulative platforms that pressure women to make certain choices or wage a war against their bodies. Often, the proponents of these dangerous ideas tend to be men who don't know what it's like to be in women's shoes or to be victimized based on our gender or relegated or be overlooked in terms of wages or be stereotyped for no reason or held to a double standard based (being expected to perform certain duties, which constitutes as silent labor) or know what it's like to give birth. Women are bleeding on the ground and it's time that the men SEE and recognize this and give credit where credit is due or even acknowledge or compensate women accordingly. As a Stanford classmate put it in her poem "trench lyrics," society is waging a war against women and their bodies in so many ways - subtle and directly -- and we are in warfare, in the front lines, receiving all the attacks so to speak (look at the staggering rates regarding eating disorders in the U.S. among women, the prevalence of Post-partum depression, the pressure to conform to certain outward images or to even be expected to put up with or be subjected to the male gaze). It is a brutal world out there, if I may be frank, for women and can the men even recognize this? The #Metoo movement is a step forward, but there needs to be change from the inside -- a paradigm shift.
It is time for men and women in the Christianity community to realize that the dangerous notions I mentioned above are similar to waging a war against a woman's body -- and she is already going through so much as a result of the societal and structural injustices that threaten women's rights and lives everyday in the U.S. An honest conversation about feminist issues, in particular, in the church and even about other marginalized groups is a good starting point. It is through honesty and soul-searching and transparency that the abuses and repressive practices in the church can come to an end, paving way for freedom and truth and equality.
I value spirituality. I value people trying to seek out a faith or deity or religion out of a genuine intention. That was the place I was in 2002, when I graduated from Stanford University and felt that I needed to pursue a genuine relationship with God--something that I had felt since my childhood, but got too busy or caught up in schools, my academic endeavors or even extracurricular activities. But I was a 22 year old, fresh out of college and wide-eyed about everything and the world.
The first 10 years of my faith journey has brought so much blessing - I have to admit. I met wonderful friends, formed a strong community in the Bay Area and delved into the doctrines of Christianity, especially in regards to Protestantism which has been my faith background all of my life since childhood.
But I also saw and witnessed some of the darker sides -- the need and pressure to proselytize, the convoluted and nebulous ideas about heaven and hell (the afterlife), the relegation and exclusion of other faiths, the stigmatization of the LGBT community and even shunning of gay marriages, and the fierce and often vitriolic debates surrounding crucial women's rights issues such as our right to access abortions or important healthcare services or condoning even gender-based violence or discrimination.
I'm not criticizing Christianity or the church as an outsider looking in, but more as an insider who spent years going to services and engaging in religious practices. But I realized at some point -- probably around the 10-year mark--that my faith became less about "God" or finding a relationship with him, but more about my worries with outward displays of religious practices or the pressure to conform to certain beliefs and ideologies that are extremely repressive towards women.
I heard stories about church leaders -- well-known ones -- who were exposed because of moral failures. I read a NYT article about the rise of child marriages in the U.S. and how the statistics are higher in the Pentacostal community. I listened to accounts after accounts of church leaders -- pastors and elders -- who were guilty of perpetrating violence against their spouses or women or even inflict sexual harassment and the church condoning such behaviors at times. I read headlines about my own pastor and the allegations of sexual harassment and misconduct surrounding him here in the Chicago area. I read disheartening articles after articles about fake "crisis pregnancy centers" (CPCs) in the U.S. that were established to lure vulnerble young women away from getting abortions or accessing the appropriate healthcare services, especially in minority communities. To my dismay, I found out belatedly that I had even volunteered in one in the Bay Area -- one against which the city of San Francisco has passed an ordinance to prevent the false advertising of its services.
As a feminist, as much as I try, I cannot help writing about these critical, life and death issues especially as they pertain to women. While I recognize the traditions of the Christian faith given its 2000-year old history, sometimes this religion seems cloaked in antiquated notions of feminism or regressive ideas regarding women's health issues.
I believe that the church or Christians need to rise up and recognize that women's status are not to be relegated or that there may be no circumstances, where women "should be expected to put up with" discriminatory ideas or practices or manipulative platforms that pressure women to make certain choices or wage a war against their bodies. Often, the proponents of these dangerous ideas tend to be men who don't know what it's like to be in women's shoes or to be victimized based on our gender or relegated or be overlooked in terms of wages or be stereotyped for no reason or held to a double standard based (being expected to perform certain duties, which constitutes as silent labor) or know what it's like to give birth. Women are bleeding on the ground and it's time that the men SEE and recognize this and give credit where credit is due or even acknowledge or compensate women accordingly. As a Stanford classmate put it in her poem "trench lyrics," society is waging a war against women and their bodies in so many ways - subtle and directly -- and we are in warfare, in the front lines, receiving all the attacks so to speak (look at the staggering rates regarding eating disorders in the U.S. among women, the prevalence of Post-partum depression, the pressure to conform to certain outward images or to even be expected to put up with or be subjected to the male gaze). It is a brutal world out there, if I may be frank, for women and can the men even recognize this? The #Metoo movement is a step forward, but there needs to be change from the inside -- a paradigm shift.
It is time for men and women in the Christianity community to realize that the dangerous notions I mentioned above are similar to waging a war against a woman's body -- and she is already going through so much as a result of the societal and structural injustices that threaten women's rights and lives everyday in the U.S. An honest conversation about feminist issues, in particular, in the church and even about other marginalized groups is a good starting point. It is through honesty and soul-searching and transparency that the abuses and repressive practices in the church can come to an end, paving way for freedom and truth and equality.
This being is sanctioning violence and demonization - this being is a Goddamn lunatic and a cult leader..please help me!
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